My girls were happy. My family is healthy. We love each other as best as we can. God has blessed me with the ability to love and strength to love others. I am grateful for that. Merry Christmas.

I feel I’ve been suppressing my feelings since a very young age. I have been practicing till there was no trace. I suspected that was normal, but I didn’t know that skill would save my life. Christmas is beyond hard when you are without. When the person who is suppose to be smiling back at you or offering a shoulder to lay your head is gone. If I acted on this pain, if I allowed it to surface even for a moment, I wouldn’t have a life, I wouldn’t be able to function for my kids. So I push it deep down and I clean and I wrap and I teach I do anything that helps me to not think and plaster a pretend smile while my heart is heavy with sadness. Loss doesn’t go away. You just get better at hiding it. But you know this already.

I’ve been wrapping by demand of my youngest, cleaning bc no one else does and cooking bc they ask to eat three times a day. Good thing I have plenty of chocolate to keep me going! This is the first day off with no need to leave the house for any reason. Wish I was relaxing like my girls or playing softball with my brothers in blue like Frank.

Cat’s team qualified for the tour! They came in second in the gold bracket taking Houston Revolution to three sets. I’m proud if my girl and her team!!

Tonight was Addie’s last softball game of the season. Addie with a 2RBI triple. She also made a double play. She really improved this season and looked happy on the field. She had some pretty amazing coaches!! It’s going to be really nice going from three sports to just two!

​I only raise ballers!!

Last weekend both my girls played in a vball yourny. Car had the morning pool and took first. This is Addie’s first year playing club. 8u playing 11u and they took FIRST too!! I knew they were good, but I never expected first place any time soon. We took out the top Magic team. It was a looonnngg day but so worth it!

My brother is the perfect mix of idiot that loves to stir up my mom and sister. I just ignore and delete. I don’t even open his dumb links.

There’s something on my mind and it’s occupying my every thought. It will change the course of my life, our lives. I am not certain but there’s no stopping it if it’s true. I don’t know how I feel about it. I will leave it in God’s hands.