She's says she wants to go bk to Dallas. She says she can't be herself here. She can't say what's she's thinking bc she's afraid she will get in trouble for being rude. She says we are on her for being rude. I said but you've been happy this whole time. You made honor roll. There isn't any conflict between us. We never argue or fight. She says Well you dont know what's in my head. obviously. She's doesn't want to have to control everything that comes out of her mouth. I said that's what grown ups do and good people.
She says we are always telling her what to do. Like what? I asked thinking of our quiet peaceful nights after the little girls go to bed. It's hard to come up with a list right away she says. I said please try. She says we make her tell people hi, bye and thank you. I laughed trying to hold it in. Lauren, it's our job to try to get you to be a good person.
She says that she doesn't like being told to do her homework or go to bed at a reasonable hour which I never ever do merry suggest it fit her health. Her grades are good and she's getting it done, so she can stay up doing work till she needs to. She doesn't like when I offer her suggestions to mk her life easier. like with note taking or carrying heavy History books. She doesn't like when I tell her to please chew with her mouth closed. She says she can be herself at her mom's. Her mom understands her. She says her mom has "changed" and she wants to go back now. Six weeks before the end of the year to start a brand new school. We told her that's not a good idea. She can go back at 4:05 on the last day of the year. frk told her she doesn't have to be angry with us to go back. But she does have to be angry at someone all the time. It's her defense mechanism. I guess it's our turn.
I feel so sad for her. I told her I love her no matter what and I only want her to be healthy and happy. I told her with tears falling that I hope one day you will look back and see how hard I tried to be good to you. And be thankful instead of angry.
She's has to use us, blame us as away to make her leaving bk okay. I don't want to be resentful of that. I want to understand what she's going through but it hurts my feelings beyond repair. The silly complaints she's manifesting. She knows we had a good life here. She knows. It's really hard being a good stepparent. It's hard to listen to made up problems in her head. irs hard defend myself when all I've done is take her in. She says i doesn't know what she's thinking. It's hard to love someone who is at constant battle with herself. I told her I love her no matter what and I want what's best for her health and happiness.
Six more weeks are going to be really hard with her claws out. God help Lauren to see what's real. Please help me to be kind and forgiving. Please help the little girls to understand growing up is hard and making good decisions is hard, but that mom and dad want what's best for you. Please God help our family to be healthy. It's almost more than I can stand.