Addie's frozen explosion pool party just got changed to an indoor party at OUR house. No one open any closet doors! Trying to keep calm and control myself. I'm really really good at fixing things. Not like my dad was. He did it right and it worked better than before. No, I rig it the best I can. I find alternative solutions to make it go and it works for a while. It isn't better. In fact it's breaking down and I don't know how to make it better this time. And I am heart broken. There will come a time that I have to step away from it and stop trying so hard. Then all that will be left are pieces of a whole. I have dreams of chasing. Hiding. Clinging on to painted hope. It's the same thing just different situations and settings. It's been decades now I've been having this dream. Even after I discovered the cycle of manipulation, still the dream finds me. I wonder if it will last my whole life. |
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