post observation tmrw. Eek. Let's get this over with already!!

my mother just told me that she sees herself sick toward the end of her life Nd no one will be there by her side except her boyfriend. Bc of course I wld be at work or with my children. Yea that hurt but whatever.

I was trying to help cat deal with a boy annoying her at her table. I gave the whole pretend he doesn't exist talk and when he takes your stuff, raise hand and tell the teacher, "J is not allowing me to do my work by...." That shld get the teacher's attention. I told her to treat him with kindness. Just be as nice as you can and maybe then he'll treat you the same way.
Then I tried to explain to her that boys speak a different language than girls. I didn't tell her until you meet that one person who speaks your language bc that's a sure set up for disappointment.
...I shld of told her that it's a crock of sh*t ...boys being mean means they are having a hard time communicating. Words to the Wiser: Treat people with decency and kindness always and stay away from boys.

we totally overcame and won in three sets. 25-24 24-25 and 15-13. That crowd was insane especially my mom. She brought it. lol I'm so proud that the girls played through the pressure and did fantastic and ummm my daughter was "on"! So proud to be their coach!!

Every time I reach out to parents or they want to meet with me, I feel a sense of dread pours within me. It's sad but true. Most of my most current meetings have been blame the teacher or coach. Yet Friday, I received a very nice email. It was exactly what I needed and then the very next day a request for conference email oozing with indifference and detail, and the dread settles in.

I lectured Cat yesterday on this very thing. When you're under pressure, you raise your chest, think smart and get it done. You tell yourself you are good, smart and capable and you push the pressure away. Our team is playing for City today (four teams left). We won yesterday in three sets. We play the "other" OLG team today at 5. I'm going to video their cheering just so you can see how serious they are. It's amazing to see. I hope our girls can play under pressure. Let's see.

There is not one single person in my life that I hate. I know how much energy it is to carry hate with you. No matter how I've been treated or what's been done to me has led me to hate them now. We are playing in the second round in zone playoffs today. If we win we play for 1st at 5 and go on to city. Top two advance. There were twodivisions in our zone. We took first seed. The "other" OLG team is working their way up too. There are four girls I used to coach in basketball and softball on that team. One girl was in Cat's class from K-2nd. And ANOTGER girl, Cat is in class with now. A sweet sweet girl. All the girls are so sweet. But three of the mom's don't acknowledge my existence. For various reasons but mainly bc of coaching qualms. And they have treated me foul when I have never treated anyone without respect. Even now I don't hate them. Bc I love their girls. We might end up playing at 5. It will be crazy once again. They cheer when our girls miss a serve. crazy to the bone.

It's difficult for me to understand how people love different. Why people love different. I am loyal when I love. If someone wronged the person I love, I would not go out of my way to be friends with them again. I write them off. In the same way if, someone wrongs me, I close my doors and shut them out. I am never rude or disrespectful to anyone. This is how I love. Yet I am not loved with the same loyalty, and it's difficult for me to think of the love you have for me as love. I suppose I shld not care.