So my little 8u CYO team is doing AWESOME!! We are playing 4-2 rotation and what I call a shield defense. They are doing their best to get three hits instead of one over. I have the ENTIRE team serving over the net and FIVE girls serving overhand!! There are two brand spanning new to the sport players on our team too. The other 8 only have one year experience.

We played the other OLG team on Sat and they were PISSED after the game!!! I’m not sure why. But livid mad! Frank says they were just embarrassed, and I get that, but how is that my fault? During the game, I start my girls off serving underhand. If we lead by 8-10 points, I switch them to overhand where they are less reliable servers. But they started serving rocket fireballs overhand. That’s never happened. I kept pushing them back trying to make it more challenging for them. Hoping they would side out. I am not that type of coach who enjoys creaming the other team. My newbies need experience, and we don’t get that by one girls dominating the serves. Still it pissed them off. It really bothered me. I was so proud of of girls. Half of them don’t even know we won the game. They just try their best and go for the concession stand tokens. People disappoint me. Makes me sad.

I think about this EVERY day and now as a mother of pre teens I am constantly diligently worrying about this. Today, my girls and I walked to our neighborhood mailbox to simply check the mail. As we walked, I wondered what person was watching us and thinking about what he can do to hurt me or my children. I don’t know if that is rational or even normal, but I am terrified of my girls going through my worst nightmare. I have weapons for defense within hands reach and in my sights. I will not be preyed in again nor will I allow my girls to be afraid of what men think they have a right to do. We are not objects to be had. We are not pets to be played with. We are human and deserve to live without fear of attack. Verbally physically sexual and emotionally attacks.

I know there are more good people in the world, but the sick ones scare me to death. I pray God always protects my daughters and helps those who need it most.


"I draw a line down the middle of a chalkboard, sketching a male symbol on one side and a female symbol on the other.
Then I ask just the men: What steps do you guys take, on a daily basis, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? At first there is a kind of awkward silence as the men try to figure out if they've been asked a trick question. The silence gives way to a smattering of nervous laughter. Occasionally, a young a guy will raise his hand and say, 'I stay out of prison.' This is typically followed by another moment of laughter, before someone finally raises his hand and soberly states, 'Nothing. I don't think about it.'
Then I ask the women the same question. What steps do you take on a daily basis to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? Women throughout the audience immediately start raising their hands. As the men sit in stunned silence, the women recount safety precautions they take as part of their daily routine.
Hold my keys as a potential weapon. Look in the back seat of the car before getting in. Carry a cell phone. Don't go jogging at night. Lock all the windows when I sleep, even on hot summer nights. Be careful not to drink too much. Don't put my drink down and come back to it; make sure I see it being poured. Own a big dog. Carry Mace or pepper spray. Have an unlisted phone number. Have a man's voice on my answering machine. Park in well-lit areas. Don't use parking garages. Don't get on elevators with only one man, or with a group of men. Vary my route home from work. Watch what I wear. Don't use highway rest areas. Use a home alarm system. Don't wear headphones when jogging. Avoid forests or wooded areas, even in the daytime. Don't take a first-floor apartment. Go out in groups. Own a firearm. Meet men on first dates in public places. Make sure to have a car or cab fare. Don't make eye contact with men on the street. Make assertive eye contact with men on the street.”

― Jackson Katz, The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help

(The first man to minor in women's studies at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, holds a master's degree from the Harvard Graduate School of Education, and a Ph.D. in cultural studies and education from UCLA.)

Trevor Noah makes me swoon

Teaching is exhausting. Raising an adolescent girl is self doubting. Finding time to process is pointless. I keep trying though or it keeps trying me.

I am different now. I’ve made changes.

Havie you ever felt the need to apologize to your child. Heart wrenching on my knees I’m sorry I let you down. I am not perfect; now you know. It’s haunting to know my mistakes shape them. Will they remember. When did I realize my parents were human. I pray my children know me. I will see to it that my goodness and love for them mask my faults, for I know I cannot hide from my God. He knows me.

My collab teacher had to cover BMC so I had a sub in her place. She was late to my class, so I had my little angels all to myself. So I decided to restore control. I usually have to reprogram my babies on Mondays. They forget how to behave over the weekend. Need to learn some manners and self discipline. I go DV on them and demand respect. I called one outside on the ramp. He was the BEST he’s ever been for the remainder of the block. The BEST they have ALL been. Kate Gosdlin would be proud. They took constant supervision. My sub was of the elderly type and we were using current technology apps. An author study using school databases and apps. She couldn’t help, so I moved around the room like a mosquito today. Right before she left, she stopped to tell me how wonderful I was with my kids. You are amazing with them. I told her thank you after I bought my breath. It was very nice. I really like my students this year. They are a handful but without malice. Good kids who need a lot of attention. A lot!!

Today my dad would of been 76. My parents would of been married 51 years. Days like today I feel a heavy weight upon my chest and a darkness that doesn’t subside. I know it’s been 8 years since he’s passed, and I should be grateful for all the years we had together, but it’s just too hard to be happy on this day. Maybe one day, I will grow up. Maybe one day, I can find a way to rise above, but today wasn’t that day. I’m glad it’s almost over. I love you dad and miss you like crazy. Until we meet again.

We close on Friday and just like I say goodbye to the house I raised my babies in. I am doing my best to not show the girls how sad this makes me. MUST stay positive and be grateful! Now to start designing our ranch house.

what’s the best memory you have with me