let’s meet in my dreams

The Walking Dead
Fear The Walking Dead
Shameless
The 100
Frankie and Johnny
Orange is the New Black
The Rain
3%

Books I have read in last 12 months:
Girl on a Train
Practical Magic
Rules of Magic
Maze Runner
Scorch Trials
Death Cure
The Nest
The 100
Lightning Theif
Without Merit
Z for Zachariah
Murder on Orient Express
Adoration of Jenna Fox
Midsummer Nights Dream
Sarahs Keys
Night
Boy on a Wooden Box
Outsiders
Witch on Blackbirds Pond

I have been so sick all week. It was the 6th week in the 1st 6 weeks and I make it a personal goal to have perfect attendance for this one period of time. My portable is dripping with heavy humidity. It won’t stop raining to dry off. My papers are wilted. The jolly ranchers are googy. My throat Lozengees had liquified. I’m pretty sure I have a bronchitis and a sinus infractions. My chest hurt when I cough. My cough went from deep pain to burning throat pain to I can’t my breath coughing fits to now wet hacking coughing. I bet I was close to pneumonia. Suck it up buttercup! Doesn’t matter bc I did NOT take the day off. I did miss practice Thurs but only bc I braved through a scrimmage on Wed. The couldn’t yell but I trireme and by Thurs I had no voice at all. My students said my whispering was calming. They were sweet. My first two blocks were all so quiet but they are AMAZING kids!! My collab reg class all yelled at each other to BE QUIET!! They were defending me as always. Sweet hearts that will do anything to get out of working. Yesterday, we showed the Outsiders Movie bc we finished the book! It was the BEST day. The last day wold ever take off! Today I’m sleeping in but have to coach Addie’s game at 2 First Hills Presbyterian. The other team is undefeated too! We often went head to head last year. The coach is pretty ruthless. I think to suck it up and help my babies control that ball as best they can. I can’t let this grave virus get in the way!

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I had my portable mate’s class too bc her d drive didn’t work. They all now know about the “brat pack” My collab partner made a cool Where are they now? fun stuff

When did we all become judge and jury? What right do we have to say we know, we believe you are right or you are not, whether you are lying or unfit. People have all gone mad and it’s frightening!

The real question is does/should someone’s character affect their ability to be successful in a high ranking leadership position. I suppose it depends on the position. Supreme Court justice where you reign till death HELL YES!! POTUS MOST definitely. My children look to you as an examples of justice. Our country and people’s fate are in your hands. Laws and decisions that will shape our future are in your control. It’s just so sad that this is where we are. I know there are better people that are of good character. Or at least better at destroying calendars and yearbooks and keeping their skeletons in the closet. We need examples of respect and dignity in our country. I will be that for my students and children and athletes. I will try to raise our children to lead with divinity and good character. That is how I protest.

So my little 8u CYO team is doing AWESOME!! We are playing 4-2 rotation and what I call a shield defense. They are doing their best to get three hits instead of one over. I have the ENTIRE team serving over the net and FIVE girls serving overhand!! There are two brand spanning new to the sport players on our team too. The other 8 only have one year experience.

We played the other OLG team on Sat and they were PISSED after the game!!! I’m not sure why. But livid mad! Frank says they were just embarrassed, and I get that, but how is that my fault? During the game, I start my girls off serving underhand. If we lead by 8-10 points, I switch them to overhand where they are less reliable servers. But they started serving rocket fireballs overhand. That’s never happened. I kept pushing them back trying to make it more challenging for them. Hoping they would side out. I am not that type of coach who enjoys creaming the other team. My newbies need experience, and we don’t get that by one girls dominating the serves. Still it pissed them off. It really bothered me. I was so proud of of girls. Half of them don’t even know we won the game. They just try their best and go for the concession stand tokens. People disappoint me. Makes me sad.

I think about this EVERY day and now as a mother of pre teens I am constantly diligently worrying about this. Today, my girls and I walked to our neighborhood mailbox to simply check the mail. As we walked, I wondered what person was watching us and thinking about what he can do to hurt me or my children. I don’t know if that is rational or even normal, but I am terrified of my girls going through my worst nightmare. I have weapons for defense within hands reach and in my sights. I will not be preyed in again nor will I allow my girls to be afraid of what men think they have a right to do. We are not objects to be had. We are not pets to be played with. We are human and deserve to live without fear of attack. Verbally physically sexual and emotionally attacks.

I know there are more good people in the world, but the sick ones scare me to death. I pray God always protects my daughters and helps those who need it most.


"I draw a line down the middle of a chalkboard, sketching a male symbol on one side and a female symbol on the other.
Then I ask just the men: What steps do you guys take, on a daily basis, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? At first there is a kind of awkward silence as the men try to figure out if they've been asked a trick question. The silence gives way to a smattering of nervous laughter. Occasionally, a young a guy will raise his hand and say, 'I stay out of prison.' This is typically followed by another moment of laughter, before someone finally raises his hand and soberly states, 'Nothing. I don't think about it.'
Then I ask the women the same question. What steps do you take on a daily basis to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? Women throughout the audience immediately start raising their hands. As the men sit in stunned silence, the women recount safety precautions they take as part of their daily routine.
Hold my keys as a potential weapon. Look in the back seat of the car before getting in. Carry a cell phone. Don't go jogging at night. Lock all the windows when I sleep, even on hot summer nights. Be careful not to drink too much. Don't put my drink down and come back to it; make sure I see it being poured. Own a big dog. Carry Mace or pepper spray. Have an unlisted phone number. Have a man's voice on my answering machine. Park in well-lit areas. Don't use parking garages. Don't get on elevators with only one man, or with a group of men. Vary my route home from work. Watch what I wear. Don't use highway rest areas. Use a home alarm system. Don't wear headphones when jogging. Avoid forests or wooded areas, even in the daytime. Don't take a first-floor apartment. Go out in groups. Own a firearm. Meet men on first dates in public places. Make sure to have a car or cab fare. Don't make eye contact with men on the street. Make assertive eye contact with men on the street.”

― Jackson Katz, The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help

(The first man to minor in women's studies at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, holds a master's degree from the Harvard Graduate School of Education, and a Ph.D. in cultural studies and education from UCLA.)

Trevor Noah makes me swoon

Teaching is exhausting. Raising an adolescent girl is self doubting. Finding time to process is pointless. I keep trying though or it keeps trying me.

I am different now. I’ve made changes.

Havie you ever felt the need to apologize to your child. Heart wrenching on my knees I’m sorry I let you down. I am not perfect; now you know. It’s haunting to know my mistakes shape them. Will they remember. When did I realize my parents were human. I pray my children know me. I will see to it that my goodness and love for them mask my faults, for I know I cannot hide from my God. He knows me.