I missed my girls something fierce. It makes my throat burn just thinking about it. *deep breaths in and out. My girls survived. I focused my complete attention on them this morning and last night. I arrived at 920pm. I sat in the back seat on the way home from the airport. I am focusing on loving my children. I will love them without limit. I will be their example of goodness. It feels as if my strength has found its way back.
walked home through Central Park. Look who we ran into Drew Barrymore. She didn't look too happy about us stalking. I think my sister only invited me so I cld take her picture with celebrities.
Oh Em Gee!! I've been waiting for this for a looonnngg time. I loved every minute of it!! look who we saw at Central Park. Poor drew she looked sad. I can relate. Last day brunch at the View Marriot Marquis
Holy Snikees this place is crazy. It's even busier than the last time visited years ago. Cat was two then. I don't think I cld ever live here. It's so loud and busy. I do have to say there are some very pleasant looking men in suits here. But it's fun to wonder if I cld make it here. I can do anything so I don't doubt it but let's not test it. I'll leave that to another life.
Well we lost grandma and Aunt Mella tonight. Mella's phone died and mom left hers in the hotel while we were shopping. We searched and waited and searched till the store closed. So Marisa and I walked bk to the our hotel, the Waldorf Austoria and boy was I in trouble. I'm not sure how Mellas phone dying was my fault but whatever. Tmrw they said they are sticking with us like chickla. Keep up GRANNY! I messed up. I knew something was not right. It's hard to tell when I first noticed it. In kinder Catalina refused to try to read. She just didn't try to sound out words and I couldn't make her.
First grade was breeze. Literally a breeze of worksheets in the wind. I kid you not she would bring home 20 worksheets EVERY Friday and those weren't the actual graded 15 she would bring in her take home folder on Wed. And it's knows hue many sheets didn't make it home. Terrible. It's safe to say she did NOT get a solid foundation of phonics like she was promised. No spelling rules or cute chunk songs or even on topic worksheets helping her break down the English language. Her teacher was so kind and loving. A very sweet lady. Catalina had no complaints. And I didn't want to be that ex-teacher mom who knew better... so I never complained. I just paid for outside summer tutoring with a family friend who is an ex-reading specialist. She said she saw early indications that Cat was Dyslexic. Reversals. Transposing letters and numbers. It carried over to math. Cat couldn't learn her math facts to save her life. She just couldn't retain the information or cared too. I drilled her. I tried for two years to make it stick. So we were happy knowing our buddies (numbers combos that equal ten), and doubles. The rest we work out. I don't know all my math facts to be quite honest. I don't play nice with numbers. 2nd grade begins and she tests TWO reading levels behind. WtH! I cried and paid for more tutoring. I worked with her at home, but she still wanted me to read everything to her. I hated when it got negative. Do it now!!! Because I said so. grind teeth. Learn to let go. Pray. That year, her school started a BRAG program to help reluctant readers; 2nd graders reading with 5th graders. When the 5th grade boy told my daughter he wanted to see her with her hair down, I called for a conference with RDG specialist, teacher, and administrator. I was not happy. I demanded for her to get help from an adult. They said if you want that we need test documentation. There isn't any proof she needs more help. She's not that bad. Note: The teachers had not yet been trained in this new RDG peer program, no documentation sent home. This was the only extra help she was getting at school. The response from the committee was, " Well then let's test her" so we did. There are four areas that are tested on the Dyslexia test. According to our district she had to be below average on two or more of the areas to qualify for 504 services. Side note: we are the only state that has Dyslexia legislation bc ex President Bush's nephew struggles with Dyslexia. But there are different types of Dyslexia, yet only one type is text in Texas. I believe Catalina has characteristics of phonological Dyslexia. Catalina's test scores indicated she was below average in one area, ONE point away from being below on a second area, average in the third and above average in the fourth. One point away. She doesn't qualify they said smugly. Mom FAIL: When I heard the results and heard the words, "She doesn't qualify", I was relieved. I didn't want her to be Dyslexic. But I knew there was a problem. Was it a bad a 1st grade year or was it a processing disorder. We have it time. End of third grade, she is still struggling. She still has to draw in the air her b's and d's bc she can't just write dad or bad without struggle. She spells dose for does and gose for goes. She leaves off endings like "ed". Her writing is heartbreaking. She spells want or what. She doesn't gear the difference between E, A, O vowels. Math word problems and multiple step instructions are so hard for her. If she reads it by herself, they are all wrong. Once I read it, she gets it. (That can be an accommodation for 504 services) She hasn't passed any of her FOUR hour benchmarks or CDBs. I am pretty certain she did not pass the FOUR hour STAAR. We kept her out of softball this season, to hit the books hard and work at home and after school. She tries. I see her trying, but it's not fun bc it's hard. And it makes me so sad. I just walked out of my fifth conference this year. I cried again. Her teacher sees what I see. A bright young lady who should be doing so much better. She's on reading level, her grades have been passing all year, a good kid who doesn't ever cause any disruption. She's not bad. There are a lot of other kids worse off who are going through a bigger struggle than Cat. I know this and it leaves me feeling guilty for not being grateful. But you shld see my daughter shine when she feels confident. When she has the tools to succeed, she pushes herself to excellence. Right now she compensates to get by. She does the bare minimum and keeps under the radar. That's not good enough. I want so much more for her. Next year we are starting a new school. Her teacher said she is flagging her in the computer. She recommends I get Cat tested again at the beginning of the year. I need to be that parent that demands my daughter gets the support she needs. Like Sally Field on Steel Magnolia. Do you know hue smart my beautiful child is and how witty and clever she is. She's so creative and damn can she play ball! I know she will end up just fine. I will see to it. This only gives us more reason to work harder. ...exceptional people [have] a special talent for converting life's set backs into future successes.
This one belief leads to all of this- the love of challenge, belief in effort, resilience in the face of setbacks and greater (more creative) success. ... The view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life. Mindset:The New Psychology of Success
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