"You don't know about real loss, because that only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself." It will be different this time. I'm stronger now. I have accepted the way things are for now. I just need support. I need a reminder; a few more songs. Inspiration to keep on. When bad things happen, you find out what people are made of down deep. My fearless Greek goddess cut her Achilles and her irrational fear of needles came forth. she covered her head, squeezed my hand and did her best to stay calm. Addie was cool and calm and in control. She watched all four stitches in and out without flinching. Doctor material for sure. I shed only a few tears when my back was turned. I felt so guilty. My stone wall of a husband showed no emotion. He couldn't stop blaming me. This was your fault. I'm glad it wasn't on my watch. He was upset he missed out on studying time. (He's been studying every waking minute for the last three months for the promotion test next week) I used to give a look where he cld see in my eyes that his words were breaking my heart. That look doesnt work anymore. It's been overused. Or it just doesn't matter. I've gotten good at accepting what I can't change. I know it was an accident. no one's fault. Cat even said several times when I scolded myself It wasn't your fault momma. She has so much empathy and kindness. She tries to mk up for her dad. She is doing better now. We both are. But my eyes still can't hide my broken heart. |
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