We had a really really bad night. It was one of the worst nights as a parent that I've ever had. Addie is traumatized bc of the hail storm on Aptil 12th. She's goes to bed crying every night saying she doesn't want to sleep alone. She is constantly pulling up weather bug radar and has anxiety when she sees green or blue or yellow over our pin. For the first week after the storm, I've let her crawl into bed with me. Nights that it rained were especially hard. Lately I've been letting her sleep in her sister's room on a sofa. I showed her how to pray if she feels worried. So she prays with white knuckles pleading for God to not let it rain. sigh that wasn't what I meant.
Last night I had to put a stop to it. It wasn't a good place for her to sleep and I felt I was enabling her irrational fear. We talked about it. We prayed about it. But I was firm in my decision she was going to sleep in her own bed as she has done for the last four years. She screamed like I've never heard her scream before. Catalina stated crying and covering her ears. She never cries. I tried to have patience and empathy, but it didn't work nor last. I tried warnings, and morning consequences and threatened to spank. I could tell my anger only escalated the situation so I stopped. I stopped talking completely. Not another word from me. I rocked her for a moment. And she calmed. I layed down with her till she fell asleep, but it all started up again when I tried to leave. Of course Frank was at work, but I'm sure if he was home it wld have only made things worse. He doesn't posses empathy. Just hard love. Finally I layed on the floor next to her bed. I remembered that technique when you're trying to get your toddler to sleep in their own crib. Every night you move closer to the door. You don't engage. You don't speak. You just slowly move closer to the other side of the door. It killed me to not just let her sleep with me, or to not comfort her when all she wanted was for me to make her feel safe. I felt like a terrible mother. I cried silent tears on that floor. I hated every minute of last night. But I knew if I gave into her, then she would be afraid forever. Finally at about 11:00, 2.5 hours of drama, she fell asleep. Like a thief in the night, I crept out of her room. I went to my bed exhausted. She woke up two more times that night asking to check the weather bug. The first time I said no and put her bk in bed. She just came bk begging. I gave in and I let her see that it wasn't going to rain and she went bk to her room. This morning she apologized through tears. I only praised how brave she was for staying in her bed the rest of the night. Of course it's suppose to rain ALL day and ALL week. It's so hard being a mommy. Comments are closed.
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